Joke
Quotes
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My socks DO match.
They're the same thickness.
They're the same thickness.
If its tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Smoking cures weight problems . . . eventually.
I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he's gone.
Now he's gone.
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
I went to San Francisco.
I found someone's heart.
I found someone's heart.
I went to the fights,
and a hockey game broke out.
and a hockey game broke out.
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
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On Anger: "For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."
Essays
Essays
On Destiny: "Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today."
Human, All Too Human
Human, All Too Human
On Friendship: "A crowd is not company; and faces are but a gallery of pictures; and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love."
Essays
Essays