Steven Wright

United States
Born on 6 Dec 1955
Comedian

Quotes

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Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So. What did you think?'
I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
Mom said, 'Steven, time to go to sleep.'
I said, 'But I don't know how.'
She said, 'It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left.'
So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right.
My mother was there, and she said 'I thought I told you to go to sleep.'
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On Anger: "For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."
Essays
On Destiny: "Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today."
Human, All Too Human
On Friendship: "A crowd is not company; and faces are but a gallery of pictures; and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love."
Essays