Steven Wright
United States
Born on 6 Dec 1955
Comedian
Born on 6 Dec 1955
Comedian
Quotes
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I wrote a few children's books . . . not on purpose.
I bought a million lottery tickets.
I won a dollar.
I won a dollar.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
My neighbor has a circular driveway.
He can't get out.
He can't get out.
I Xeroxed a mirror.
Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I was trying to daydream,
but my mind kept wandering.
but my mind kept wandering.
I got a garage door opener.
It can't close.
Just open.
It can't close.
Just open.
Why are there five syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?
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On Anger: "For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."
Essays
Essays
On Destiny: "Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today."
Human, All Too Human
Human, All Too Human
On Friendship: "A crowd is not company; and faces are but a gallery of pictures; and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love."
Essays
Essays